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| Christian Louboutin Rollerball Spikes AW/11 12 |
Killer heels. They’ll soon be the death of me. As the uncrowned queen of footwear frippery, I have been known to sport everything from winkle-picking stilettos to nosebleed-inducing platforms. Despite my six foot frame, I'm rarely seen sans hernia-inducing heel. Although my face-to-pavement success rate has been unsullied to date (bar some textbook Temple Bar cobble wobbles), my ability to master the art of balance has been belied by a more fickle footwear trend – hardware.
Having recently had breakfast at Residence with cult cobbler Christian Louboutin, I got a sneak peek into the shoe meister’s coveted autumn winter/11 collection. Despite my own predilection for a Pigalle, I was shocked (nay, slightly turned on) to see such armoury afoot. Pincer-sharp gold spikes protruded from a pair of lipstick red peep toes with spike heels resembling Ninja darts. “Has anyone ever impaled themselves on these?” I blurted out.
Yes would be the answer – both J.Lo and Kim Kardashian have been spotted on the red carpet with scraped and bloody ankles. Given their petite frames and low centres of gravity (helped no doubt by famously prodigious posteriors), this seemed like frightening math. I wouldn’t stand a chance (literally) even with a not-so-famous (although admittedly ample) bum. Two letters and an ampersand sprang to mind: A&E. Sigh. They’d have been ideal for queue-jumping, personal space, getting served first at the bar.
Rapidly my eyes clapped on a singular bedazzled Daffodil mega platform. The crystal-encrusted 6.5 inch heel eponymously named after socialite Daphne Guinness seemed less of threat. Seen most recently on a very pregnant Posh at Kate Middleton’s wedding, I felt I could probably rock these bad boys. Then again the six month baby ballast could be reason for not having stumbled and stolen the show from Pippa....I mean, the lovely couple.
“They’re my favourite,” I told Louey B. He concurred; although he did advise on a less vertiginous pair with side cleavage and an ankle strap for my self-professed flat feet (family of cops, what can you do?). That seemed a wise choice; one which I was prepared to make in the interest of health and safety. I did however make a sneaky mental note of some comely metallic studded slippers. Not exactly Ninja weaponry but perfect for when telly night beckons – and the new series of Ab Fab. Edina Monsoon would approve. But of course, sweetie.
