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| Image courtesy of Cafepress.com |
Hybrids. Why the fashion world feels the need to homogenize two perfectly sensible garments beggars belief. Since cardigans spliced into ‘cardigowns’ (cardigan-dressing gown) and ‘coatigans’ (coat-cardigan); jackets into ‘mackets’ (mac-jacket) and ‘jardigans’ (jacket-cardigan) and skirts into ‘skousers’ (skirt-trousers) and ‘skorts’ (skirt-shorts), shopping has turned into one big surrealist love in.
“C’est ci n’est pas Alexander Wang.” Quite. Although I love a bit of Magritte; when I’m shopping I prefer to find a great top, not have my perceptions of reality challenged. Maybe it’s me. I seem to have morphed into some sort of sartorial curmudgeon, dishing out acerbic rants on about how things have changed since back in the day. Perhaps in manner of said Belgian artist, I should radically alter my view of the humble blouse – or at least increase my cost-per-wear ratio in buying a ‘blurt’ (blouse-skirt).
And my sister calls me over-analytical. Pah! Personally I think that appraisal deserves further examination. But I digress… Although I’m somewhat prepared to renounce my semantic safety net (‘mubes’ (maxi tube dress) are a winner for summer holidays), there are certain style stem cells which should never mate.
‘Meggings’ (male leggings) may have been a hit with the Proenza Schouler boys but the day I see one of our fellas duct taped into Lycra while holding a pint in McSorleys, I’ll emigrate…for good. Likewise ‘mace’ (male lace) should be squirted in a would-be attacker’s eyes or at least the ad execs that saw fit to equate convenience store shopping with a clearly traumatised Brendan O’Connor (poor lad). As for ‘whorts’ (winter shorts), there’s over-the-counter medicine for these sorts of things.
Indeed as our friend Magritte suggests, such images are often treacherous as they fail to satisfy emotionally. Something tells me the danger lies more in the victimisation of the wearer be it lack of circulation (see: ‘meggings’) or simply getting lost in the lexical funhouse. “I’ve had my eye on a ‘flirt’ (floor lengths skirt) for a while….until I saw those ‘flatforms’ (flat platforms; blame Prada) in Vogue.” Hmm….
Until the fashion world conjurs a hybrid that turn splices the combined ratio of my thighs, I refuse to pander. In the meantime, I’ll be opting out of this brave new world, adapting the otherwise familiar comfort of a jumper and jeans; or if I decide to really go mad – a snood.
