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| Mickey Lady Gaga Flip Glasses @ Amazon.com |
I popped into Specsavers recently for an overdue eye exam. For four years I’ve been dodging ‘reminders’ to get my peepers tested; convinced that although short-sighted, I had the bigger picture in view. There was no way the windows to my soul were going to be clad in glass. No way. No how. Until now...
My attempts at spectacle-free vision thus far have incurred a host of personal woes from the presence of a loathsome frown line to unwittingly scowling at approaching passersby. Let’s not even get started on ordering coffee at Starbucks.
“You’re so vain,” my sister informs me regularly. “Why don’t you just wear glasses?” With this I am apt to inform her that my sight is only mildly distance-deficient, thus not requiring any additional aid. Revealing that four eyes will totally mess with my wardrobe choices is simply not an option. (See: “You’re so vain.”)
With this in mind, I’ve taken to covering my back so as not to frame my face. Skin Doctors Instant Facelift from Arnotts has been a lifesaver for the furrowed brow. Slap it on and in five minutes –insta-lift and tuck! As for identifying people more than ten feet away, I’ve found that smiling and greeting willy nilly has its merits. It has also worked a treat for my reputation around town.
Reading the Astons on The Afternoon Show style slots is still a challenge but has endowed me with a unique ability to recite prices of highstreet items at will. “Gypsy blouse from River Island - €33.50, bangles - €2 from Penneys; Warehouse denim shorts - €33.” Damn, I’m good.
No such compensatory skills however can overcome being seated (gasp!) in the back row at fashion week. Despite the social slur, the blur from the cheap seats is just all too much. I had to cave. “Think of all the stylists who wear glasses,” assured a kind friend as she named off Gok Wan, Caryn Franklin and Nicky Hambeldon Jones. “Yes, but do any of them have an ear that’s half an inch higher than the other?” I balked.
“Ah, I see,” she conceded. At least that’s one of us. I guess I’ll just have to devise another tactic like cocking my head slightly to the side or attaching distracting Mickey Mouse ears in manner of Lady GaGa. Then again I could just get contact lenses.
