Dressage. There’s nothing like a parade of show ponies to make a woman don a hat larger than the Hubble satellite. Be it aspirations to royalty or sartorial narcissism; bigger is better. In the pursuit of fashion’s furlong however, us gals can, and have been known, to lose our way. Our national obsession with feathers has been known to make many equestrian enclosures resemble an ornithological Jihad. As for making an entrance, Chantal Biya could easily have been doling out tips at the styles.
Still, when there’s a jammy prize for Best Dressed Lady in the offing, effort cannot be eschewed. Call me old-fashioned but mistakes made in the pursuit of cash are well-intended at best. Granted I’ve never had the opportunity to partake in this type of race; namely due to my rather prodigious crown (a 23-inch circumference to be exact). Any aspirations of sporting a Jackie O pillbox or vintage cloche have been rendered pointless...until now.
My friend, milliner Edel Ramberg, recently gifted me with a bespoke headpiece – a labour of love which took eighty-two hours (told you my head is big). This Swarovski-encrusted lace confection makes me feel like Roisin Murphy on anabolic steroids. I want to take on the world! And I’m going to start with the RDS Dublin Horse Show!
That’s right. Having never entered a best dressed competition, I’m taking my two-foot long hat to the Blossom Hill Ladies Day to see what judge Synan O’Mahony thinks. I’ve got my black catsuit steamed; not to mention my RSI-inducing Alexander McQueen ring and Joanne Hynes clutch at the ready. The verdict is still out on whether to wear those ponyskin leopard print heels. Something tells me it won’t go down well with the gigis.
The benefit of such an outré accessory is that much like the Hubble, I hope to visible from space. It saves having to hover with intent near the judging table. If in receipt of Sy’s approval; I can thus affect an insouciant air of surprise. Clever that. I just need to remind myself not to turn around too quickly lest I gouge out the man’s eye. This is assuming my head (and hat) will actually into the RDS. It could well resemble the Halloween I tried boarding the school bus as a fairy; rendering myself wingless. Hmm..maybe a site reccy and some measuring tape is in order.
